


The New Neighbor

by pumpkinfollies



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Homestuck Stabdads, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Fluff, Humanstuck, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:54:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23478052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pumpkinfollies/pseuds/pumpkinfollies
Summary: Dave Strider lives in a crappy apartment building in Houston and every day is pretty much the same. When someone new moves into the building, Dave can't help but mess with the angry ball of fury. Dave also can't help but think that said ball of fury is pretty cute. Not that he is gay or anything.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 3
Kudos: 59





	The New Neighbor

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first fic, I hope you like it!

Sweat poured down my temple as the oppressive sun bore down on me from my position on the roof. The whole world lay at a horizontal slant and the gravel gravel beneath me dug painfully into my back. It took me a few minutes to realize why the world was sideways -- I had been knocked down by Bro, again. He always moved so fast that it was impossible to even think about attacking or even defending myself. 

The sound of Bro sighing in disappointment and absconding jolted me out of my thoughts. I lugged myself into a sitting position, my entire body aflame with pain caused by the wounds I received in the strife. Wounds I got because I wasn’t careful enough. I trudged my way down the stairs back to the apartment. 

As I reached for the doorknob to the apartment, I hesitated slightly before quickly opening it, anxious about any potential traps set up by Bro. Luckily for me, no such trap had been set today. Smuppets were everywhere per usual, but Lil’ Cal was nowhere to be found, thank the heavens. The Smuppets were always a little unnerving, but Lil’ Cal was on an entirely different level. It’s like the puppet was possessed, those eyes far too lifelike to be considered normal. I never understood what Bro saw in the Smuppets, but that was probably just another layer of irony I couldn’t comprehend. 

I slunk back to the safety of my room, putting bandaids on my scrapes and rewarding myself with a bottle of AJ from my closet. On my windowsill perched a black, feathery asshole. Why those bastards insisted on coming into my room I will never know. I retrieved a bag of sunflower seeds from my closet and held out a few to the crow. That greedy fucker gobbled them all up and crowed at me expectantly. “Ah come on man, I literally already gave you a handful and you already want more? Jeez I guess you can’t get enough of the Strider. I mean who could blame you though, us Striders are just that amazin-” My rambling was cut short when I noticed a moving van parked at the bottom of my apartment building. What the fuck? What kind of sick freak would willingly move into this dump?

The identities of my new neighbors remained a mystery until later that afternoon, when I ran into them. And when I say “ran into them” I meant it literally. Ironic, right? I was flash stepping down the stairs to dump out the trash so I could go back to talking to John when I barreled straight into a small figure. I mean, it wasn’t even my fault, how the hell was I supposed to notice someone that short? The person glared at me like he wanted to kill me and began screaming his head off. Jesus Christ this dude needed to take a chill pill. The way he spoke made it seem like he was attempting to fit every curse word in existence into every sentence he spoke. 

“Chill bro,” I placated in the typical stoic Strider fashion. 

“Calm down? Calm down?! What the actual fucking hell!? This insufferable prick comes fucking crashes the stairs and asks me to calm the hell down?! I swear to god-” he shouted. This is the part where I tuned out of the conversation. I stood there for a minute or so pretending to pay attention to his rant before remembering why I left the apartment in the first place. Shit- I needed to take out the trash, and on top of that, John was still waiting to talk. At this point, I figured I had listened to enough of his bullshit and continued to make my way to the trash cans.

“Fuck off! And by fuck off I mean get your ass over here!” I heard him yell from behind me. I swore this dude has no concept of an inside voice. I pretended not to hear, figuring that he would just drop the topic and continue on his day like any sane person. Unfortunately, the dude I crashed into was clearly not sane, as he decided it would be a good idea to follow me to the trash cans, shouting the entire time. As I opened the back door of the apartment building, a putrid scent hit my nose. Ah, the lovely, rotting smell of the dumpsters. How I missed you. I toss the trash bag into the dumpster and turned to make my way back to the apartment. But lo and behold, this persistent asshole is in the doorway, still yelling. I mean seriously, how the hell has he not lost his voice yet?

“Dude what do you even want?” I asked, frankly fed up with the situation and pissed off. Of course no emotions were portrayed on my face, cool kids don’t get fed up or annoyed. An indifferent poker face was all that showed. “Oh I don’t know, maybe a fucking apology? I mean you did fucking run into me and then waltz off like a douchebag!” he bellowed.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry, how will I ever make this up to you?” I drawled, deadpanned. “Did you seriously follow me all the way down here for a goddamn apology?” I continued as I crossed my arms and stared impassively at the guy. Now that I got a good look at him, he really wasn’t as short as I initially thought, but was still below average height. His hair was jet black, and the messiest I had ever seen. Did he even comb it? 

“Thank you, was that so fucking hard? And no I didn’t just follow you for a goddamn apology. Before you crashed into me like a blithering feculent shithole, I was going to ask you where apartment 413B is.” he said, this time he was less loud, but somehow he still managed to make it sound like he was quietly screaming. I paused for a moment, 413B was the apartment directly below mine. From here I had two options; I could lead him to the apartment like a normal person, or I could lead him on a wild goose chase for the next half hour. I weighed the pros and cons of each one. On one hand, I could get back to talking to John quicker and miss out on the chance to fuck with this dude, or I could have the time of my life fucking with this angry guy and laugh about it with John in half an hour. One option was clearly superior here. 

“Easy peasy lemon squeezy. I’m gonna squeeze that lemon so easy it will make the bomb-est lemonade in the entire world. All the scientists are going to be scared because that’s just how bomb my lemonade is. They’re gonna be like ‘Holy shit! He’s got a glass of rad lemonade! Take cover!’” I began to say, before he cut me off.

“Just show me the way to the goddamn apartment for fuck’s sake. It has been too long of a day to listen to whatever nonsensical bullshit you are spouting now.” he grumbled.

“Right-o. Sure thing. Right this way Mr. -” I replied breezily. This is the point when I realized I didn’t even know his name.

“Karkat.” he said. I looked over at him skeptically.

“Karkat? As in beep-beep meow meow?” I asked. He just continued to scowl at me. “Well nice to meet you Karkles. I’m the one and only Dave Strider.”

“Karkles?!” he screamed, infuriated, but I was already through the door and heading towards the winding stairs. If he didn’t want to be left behind, he was going to have to start moving. The apartment building was always exceptionally shitty, but the icing on the cake was that the elevator was broken. And the stairs, dear god, they were endless. Even for someone like me, who had experience going up and down them every day, they were a major pain in the ass. 

Up we went, with Karkat still yelling the whole way. I’d walk up a floor or two, wander around on said floor for a few minutes before saying something along the lines of “Oops, sorry I meant the next floor, dude,” turning back around. After a while of this, Karkat was so out of breath from going up so many flights of stairs that he didn’t even have the energy to insult me anymore. After twenty minutes, Karkat began to get suspicious. “I- I swear to whatever unholy god you worship Strider, if you are leading me on a fucking wild goose chase I will turn you into a chair!” Karkat wheezed, bent over. I couldn’t believe he was out of breath already. I mean, yeah, it was hot enough to fry an egg on the sidewalk, but come on man. I couldn’t help but think that he would not last a single minute in a strife. 

“Me? Lead you on a wild goose chase? Never!” I gasped. Some small part of me took pity on this poor fucker, so I decided to actually show him the way to the apartment. Apartment 413B, standing there in all of its crappy glory. The three on the door was slightly crooked, and some of the paint on the door was chipped, but that was to be expected with this place. Relief flooded Karkat’s face and he ran over to pound the door. I honestly couldn’t tell if he was knocking or attempting to break down the door with his fist. A myriad of loud crashes were heard from inside the room before a gruff man opened the door. The man loomed over the two of us, with his fedora obscuring most of his face in shadow. I couldn’t really make it out because of the hat, but it looked like he had a large scar over one of his eyes. Something about this man was dangerous and he immediately set me on edge. Karkat didn’t seem to notice or care when he pushed his way past the man and into the house without a care in the world. 

I knew most of the people in the apartment building, but this man I had never met before. At first I assumed that Karkat was visiting someone, but this was when it first dawned on me that he was the person that just moved in. Might as well introduce myself to the new neighbors. I stuck out my hand. “Yo, I’m Dave Strider.” I stated. Short, simple, and to the point; the perfect introduction. From somewhere inside the apartment I heard Karkat shout “Dad! I swear to fuck you better not stab the prick! He may be a douchebag, but stabbing him isn’t worth the trouble!”

That was definitely reassuring. Normal people would be worried, but not this cool kid. Cool kids are never worried. The man glared at my hand from his place behind the door making no move to shake it. “I’m Jack Noir. Goodbye.” he said as the door was slammed in my face. That was a great first interaction with my new neighbors. Couldn’t have gone better. I totally don’t walk back to my apartment with a smile on my face thinking about telling John all about the cute angry kid that is now my neighbor. I would never do that because that wouldn’t be ironic at all. Cool kids don’t do that. 

….

From behind me, I heard Strider saying something to Jack. Shit, that dumbass is practically begging to get stabbed. Don’t get me wrong, he is an asshole and deserves to rot, but if Jack stabbed him now then the police would probably be called and it would cause a big mess. A big mess that we certainly don’t need on our first day in a new apartment. “Dad! I swear to fuck you better not stab the prick! He may be a douchebag, but stabbing him isn’t worth the trouble!” I hollered over my shoulder without bothering to look back. 

A few minutes later and I heard the door fling shut and Jack ambled into the room. “What the fuck took you so long, kid?” he growled.

“Why does it fucking matter to you?! I got lost and some prick fucked with me and refused to show me where the hell the apartment was.” I grumbled back.

“Oh. Did you stab him?” Jack asked. Of course, the answer to all of life’s problems, stabbing. If there is ever anything you don’t want to do: get rid of it by stabbing it or ignoring it. 

“Uh, god, Dad! I swear that is your solution to everything!” I shouted as I hefted up a box to bring to my room. Good god why was it so heavy? Almost as soon as the cardboard box was picked up, it was dropped straight back down. No way in hell was I going to be able to lug that box to my damn room. Jack noticed my struggles and easily lifted the box with one hand. “Jesus Christ kid, you are weak as shit. You know what would fix that?” Jack commented. 

“Let me guess, stabbing more people?” I replied sarcastically. 

“Exactly! Now you get it!” he smirked and walked over to my room, chucking the box into it. Because I mean, who actually gives a single shit about keeping things intact. Not breaking everything you own into little pieces was so last year. I huffed and trudged into my new room, before spinning around to face Jack. I stuck my tongue out at him before quickly slamming the door shut in his face. “You ungrateful prick-” I heard him begin to exclaim before the door was firmly shut. 

Thankfully my room wasn’t completely empty, as some furniture had been moved into the room before we arrived. My computer, bookshelves and bed were pushed up against the grey walls of my bedroom. A big window sat in the middle of one of the walls, and there was plenty of space for all of my many posters. I retrieved the aforementioned box that had been thrown into the room by Jack. Here’s to hoping that none of the stuff is irreparably broken. 

I braced myself for a plethora of shattered objects to find that, for once in my life, I had gotten lucky, and everything was intact. The box contained my sickles, a few of my romance novels and movies, and some posters. Jack had gotten me the sickles for my birthday stating that “as the heir to the Midnight Crew, you need to be able to protect yourself.” or some bullshit like that. By “protect yourself”, he meant that I needed to learn how to properly stab people. If I was being honest with myself, I was utter shit at using them. I kept them nonetheless because, although I would never admit it, I secretly appreciate the sentiment. 

I grabbed out the sickles and posters and set them aside so that I could hang them on the walls later. The box was then dragged across the floor over to the bookshelf so that I could line it with all of the books. Even without the sickles and posters in it, the box was still extremely heavy. 

While setting up the bookshelf, my mind began to wander. That Strider person was really something. What was the point of wearing sunglasses inside, besides making yourself look like a douche? Never before had someone managed to make me want to die that quickly. Him and his stupid perfect hair infuriated me to no end. 

…

My white ceiling stared back at me as I lay in bed. For once, the heat wasn’t insufferable, and a slight breeze ran through my room. The ever present rumble of traffic could be heard from the distant highways and the soft cawing of crows sitting on the telephone wires. Bro had left the apartment to go god knows where and the house was still. At times like these I’d be pestering Rose or John, but no one was online. I suppose I could have mixed some sick nasty beats, but I just wasn’t feeling up for it today. 

I gathered up the willpower to sit up and actually do something, instead of sitting in my bed and staring at the ceiling for hours. My bed springs creaked as I sat up. My camera was grabbed as I made my way to the roof to take some “ironic” pictures of crows. It didn’t matter if a few of them weren’t ironic, no one had to know. I trudged up the winding stairways and eventually reached the old door to the roof. 

It was rusty and old like everything else in the building, so it took some pushing to open up. After I applied some force, it inched open. I would have said that someone should get around to oiling the hinges, but the only ones who come up here are me and Bro. A few crows lifted off and flew away into the red sky when I opened the door.

The crows that were still perched on the roof cawed curiously, their black feathers shone purple in the afternoon light. The sun was slinking below the horizon, casting a rainbow of colors upon the sky. The fluffy clouds were stained orange and red. I pulled out my camera and snapped a few quick shots, attempting to capture the scene in front of me. I paused to look through the pictures to see if the angle and lighting was okay when a squeak from behind me made me jump as the rest of the crows flew away. Striders don’t jump in surprise. Striders are never surprised. Of course there was someone behind me, I totally knew that all along. 

I spun around to find Karkat in the doorway, struggling to push the door open. Like the gentleman I was, I walked over and helped open the door. “Hey Karkles, how ya doin? Did you come back for more because you couldn’t get enough of me?” I asked. Surprise, surprise, Karkat was not amused. 

“Strider. No, I got my goddamn fill of you yesterday, you douchebagging-ly ugly idiot. I came up here to see the view.” Karkat snapped. I couldn’t help but snort, Douchbagging-ly ugly idiot? That was a new one. “What are you doing up here anyways?” he inquired.

“Nothin’ much. Taking some pictures of crows ‘n shit.” I said bored as I faced the skyline once again. 

“Can I see?” Karkat asked. I hesitated, I had a few pictures that I took un-ironically on here and if anyone saw them they would probably laugh their ass off about how lame they were. I swallowed my nervousness and handed the camera to Karkat as I shrugged pretending not to care. His silence as he flipped through the pictures only served to intensify my worry. “Holy shit man, these are like… actually good.” Karkat whispered in awe after a few minutes. “I was expecting a bunch of crappy ironic selfies, but these are beautiful.”

I blushed a little at this and mumbled “They aren’t that good,” before I composed myself and said “Oh man, you should see all of the selfies I have in my room, they are so shitty it’s amazing.” 

“Of fucking course you have a million crappy selfies in your room. You just couldn’t pass up the chance to be “ironic” could you?” he grumbled with a small smile on his face and passed me back the device. Something in my heart leapt at the sight of his small smile and the light reflecting beautifully on his hair. I impulsively brought up my camera and took a picture of him. 

“What the hell was that for, Strider?!” he screeched as I chuckled at him. He had just looked so cute that I couldn’t resist taking a picture. Not that I thought he was hot or anything, that would be hella gay, and I’m not gay. He just had the funniest reactions to everything. I had only known him for a few days, and I could already tell that there was no middle ground for him. Karkat was very passionate, to say the least, he either loved something with all of his heart, or hated it with passion.

He continued to rant as I laughed at him before we both became tired. We sat together on the ledge of the building bantering and observing the buildings so tall that they looked like they could scrape the hazy sky and the birds flying about. Maybe, just maybe, Karkat wasn’t all that bad. The sun drooped down below the skyline and the last rays of light trickled out. One by one stars began to pop up as the cold seeped in. 

Karkat stretched and yawned “I should probably go, dinner probably going to be soon.” he said. I nodded, that made sense, I guess. Dinner sitting around a big table wasn’t really a thing in the Strider Household. Bro and I were too cool for that, a proper dinner like that wouldn’t be ironic at all. “You know, you aren’t as much of an insufferable prick as I originally thought, Strider. We should hang out sometime.” Karkat called as he slipped out the door, into the stairway. I smiled stupidly to myself and sat there for a little bit longer before heading back to the apartment as well. 

I ate my dinner of pop tarts and AJ while I looked through my camera roll. Some of them actually turned out pretty rad. When I reached the one of Karkat I smiled, deciding to keep it. I resolved to go down to say hi to the new neighbors again tomorrow, not because I genuinely liked spending time with Karkat, but because that would be the rad and ironic thing to do. At least that’s what I told myself to justify wanting to see him again.


End file.
